I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
