I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
