Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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