Pants 0. Shit 1.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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