I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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