we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
