I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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