Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
