I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
