I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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