I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
