i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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