I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
