I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
