Your tits are I can't wait for
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
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Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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