We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
