I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
