I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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