Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
