One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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