I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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