My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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