I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
