She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
