hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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