my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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