Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
