dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
