So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
