Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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