wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
