Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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