i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
