Old men and throwing up are my life now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
