if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
