I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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