My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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