she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
