a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
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So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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