I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
