The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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