I wish I could punch you in the face.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
