here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
