I should be sponsored by Trojan
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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