I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
