im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
