So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
