I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
