Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
