you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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