im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
