Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Did I show you my penis last night?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
