I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
