let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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