Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
