3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
