omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
