The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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