Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
