I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
