Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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