Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
well most of my day revolves around power hour
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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