Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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