God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
