my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
