Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
