Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite

  (650): View more from California

  Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good

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  (650): Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite (650): Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good http://tfl.nu/6hx1
  Replies (7) Good night (493) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?

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  (949): Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse? http://tfl.nu/h2ii
  Replies (21) Good night (3029) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.

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  (972): And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P. http://tfl.nu/17d7
  Replies (27) Good night (842) Bad night (2768)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.

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  (215): I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now. http://tfl.nu/hl5z
  Replies (6) Good night (3804) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.

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  (513): I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle. http://tfl.nu/7tfd
  Replies (15) Good night (4013) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?

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  (740): So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot? http://tfl.nu/xzhr
  Replies (16) Good night (4455) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"

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  (937): I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome" http://tfl.nu/uiv4
  Replies (3) Good night (1232) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.

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  (774): Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist. http://tfl.nu/bzfc
  Replies (9) Good night (3856) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.

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  (250): when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success. http://tfl.nu/50hi
  Replies (9) Good night (1674) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.

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  (740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym
  Replies (22) Good night (5363) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends

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  (559): she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends http://tfl.nu/3qzm
  Replies (49) Good night (872) Bad night (3483)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work

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  (773): He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work http://tfl.nu/kpsp
  Replies (0) Good night (711) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  "what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.

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  (330): "what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that. http://tfl.nu/c3qo
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Agreed.

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  (610): Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises (267): Agreed. http://tfl.nu/uh2x
  Replies (0) Good night (743) Bad night (240)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children

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  (804): Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children http://tfl.nu/bp23
  Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (295)

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