ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing