Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

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  (970): Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad http://tfl.nu/podg
  Replies (3) Good night (1434) Bad night (780)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

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  (604): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks. http://tfl.nu/kxma
  Replies (34) Good night (2407) Bad night (2798)
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  (310): View more from California

  When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth

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  (310): When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth http://tfl.nu/ve5l
  Replies (17) Good night (4648) Bad night (1030)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.

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  (208): She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible. http://tfl.nu/a9zl
  Replies (41) Good night (964) Bad night (9331)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

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  (631): i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth http://tfl.nu/bjm9
  Replies (16) Good night (1017) Bad night (4285)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night

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  (303): the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night http://tfl.nu/fwes
  Replies (6) Good night (4073) Bad night (1229)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?

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  (708): I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer? http://tfl.nu/8pri
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (1986)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.

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  (231): You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes. http://tfl.nu/m034
  Replies (3) Good night (1847) Bad night (769)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.

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  (719): I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm. http://tfl.nu/n4fu
  Replies (13) Good night (1495) Bad night (1308)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I stole a fireplace last night.

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  (201): I stole a fireplace last night. http://tfl.nu/uv7e
  Replies (15) Good night (2428) Bad night (1154)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.

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  (319): Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock. http://tfl.nu/6tse
  Replies (15) Good night (1741) Bad night (632)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?

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  (425): Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism? http://tfl.nu/s1hj
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Which is way cooler

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  (571): I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse. (703): Which is way cooler http://tfl.nu/my7h
  Replies (7) Good night (512) Bad night (579)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.

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  (410): We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again. http://tfl.nu/b5s0
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (293)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days

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  (772): 22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days http://tfl.nu/xtol
  Replies (8) Good night (472) Bad night (300)

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