I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm determined to sit on that face.