when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.