I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.