you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
