I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .