I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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