we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
