I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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