Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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