nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
