We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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