Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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